


Confessions of a Droid Spy

by rudbeckia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Hux is Not Nice, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 12:47:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13927434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Threepio activates his network of droid spes and is delighted to report that one of his old network now works for General Hux himself.General Hux’s own protocol droid, Kayfour, will surely gather some very revealing information about the First Order leadership.





	1. Networking

Kayfour’s sensors alerted her to the presence of subroutines and datafiles that had been interred beneath layer upon layer of programming. Even the routine but thorough mind-wipe she’d endured after transferring to her present master had failed to scrape away the files now reactivated from her memory circuits. As she processed her new orders, Kayfour thought that the inability of her polished facial plate to perform human facial expressions—often a source of frustration when Master mistook her requests for clarification as insolence—was a good thing. Had she been able to, she might have stood with unfocused eyes and slack jaw as she tried to make sense of her new directives. Instead, the protocol droid carried on with her current task as if nothing had happened.

 

Somewhere in the galaxy, on a freighter that should long ago have been consigned to a scrapheap (and, in fact, had been stolen from one quite recently), a gold protocol ‘droid nodded in satisfaction and put as much smugness into his voice circuitry as he thought appropriate. He stood up from the hyperspace communications control panel and wished his slot-mouth had lips that would smile just a little.  
“I am pleased to report that I have reactivated my network of spies. I expect reports to begin arriving forthwith.”  
“Good work, Threepio,” replied General Leia. Threepio thought she looked exhausted and sounded so too, but refrained from stating this fact since it had never proved helpful in the past. He waited to see if more praise was forthcoming, but the general’s attention diverted back to the other Organics sitting around the small table where he’d let Chewbacca win at holochess. Just in case.  
As he turned to shuffle out in search of the errant pair of astromechs that he considered to be his underlings, the general called out to him. “Report to Commander Dameron immediately you hear anything important.”  
The organic called Dameron earned Threepio’s approval when he double checked with General Leia.  
“Are you sure? You’re our leader.”  
“Not any more,” said Leia, patting Dameron’s arm. “I’m only hanging around to make sure Rey’s okay and you don’t screw up too much. Now, what are your plans for our new base?”

 

It was easy. Easier than ignoring such an insolently insistent subroutine. All she had to do was wait for Master to order her to use the inter-fleet hyperspace communications relay from its maintenance console so that she could sift the communication logs for any derogatory references to his name and rank. Anything she found she directed to Master’s secure commlink without anyone else knowing. This time, however, she also queued a coded transmission of her own in the middle of a set of the routine messages that pinged regularly between the powerful but uncaring brains of the huge spaceships. Just one word tagged with a location and identity code: Activated.

 

“Sir! Commander Dameron, sir!”  
It was a couple of hours after sending the activation signal. Threepio shuffled into Poe Dameron’s briefing room, really just an oversized office in the abandoned mining complex of a planetesimal the rebels had chosen as an interim base only because it had a fuel dump, staff bunkrooms, a medical centre, and a certain level of anonymity. Poe looked up from his reports of the rebellion’s remaining resources, face recognisably grim to the protocol ‘droid who prided himself in being able to interpret non-verbal forms of communication almost as well as spoken language.  
“What is it, Threepio? Kinda busy here.”  
“Well sir, we’ve had a stroke of luck! As it happens, one of my old protocol droid colleagues from the Republic Senate days has been transferred! Back in those days she was owned by the senator from Arkanis and she now works for General Hux himself! We have—“  
“Eyes and ears in the heart of the First Order!” Poe was on his feet now, inventory forgotten. “That’s great news, Threepio! Keep me informed immediately of anything, _anything,_ you find out about the First Order. Well done!”  
Threepio stood a little straighter. “Oh I _will_ commander. I _will.”_

 

It wasn’t that she _minded_ exactly, but Kayfour disliked surprises. It was part of her engineering as a protocol ‘droid to be prepared for any situation that required diplomacy, tact and a command of the several million forms of communication at her disposal. She could interpret the surrenders of planetary leaders and translate the screamed and garbled statements of suspected rebel sympathisers for her master, all that was routine, but this was new. She ran the situation through her reactivated subroutines and decided it fitted her handler’s criterion of _revealing information_ and therefore was worth reporting as a coded transmission broken up and sent in fragments routed through several different subspace relays. It would be confusing for an organic, but her old friend (if droids were permitted such a thing) would know how to decode her message. Threepio was the smartest droid she knew.

 

Threepio retrieved the many component parts of Kayfour’s report and pieced them together. It took him a few minutes and he gently thrummed with pleasurable anticipation at the thought of passing along vital information from General Hux’s personal protocol droid. Surely, he thought, Kayfour would be privy to all sorts of information! His circuits almost sparked with impatience as he waited extra seconds for Kayfour’s exceptionally well encrypted and unusually bulky transmission to format, and he decided after a microsecond’s consideration that he ought to summon Artoo, take the communication straight to Commander Dameron the very second it was ready, and play it over Artoo’s holoprojector. As soon it was complete, Threepio copied the message onto a datachip and went in search of the astromech.

Artoo was working on the Falcon with Chewbacca, returning the Wookiee’s warbling comments with beeps and whistles about the technical problems the Falcon’s three droid brains wanted fixed first. Chewie growled that the Falcon was one prang away from scrap and they didn’t have time or resources for fixing anything that wasn’t completely broken, and Artoo chose not to translate the pilot’s opinions into binary for the Falcon’s temperamental personality to take offence at. When Threepio asked for Artoo’s assistance, Chewie was glad to allow it and Artoo was relieved to hand over repair duty on the truculent Falcon to Beebeeate.

“Commander Dameron will be _so_ pleased!” said Threepio after explaining why he needed Artoo. “I can hardly wait to see his face when we show him a message from General Hux’s inner sanctum!” Artoo chirped in reply. “Oh! You could be more polite about it,” said Threepio. “I will give you the datachip in good time. This is top level classified material. It’s not for just _anyone’s_ neural circuitry to interpret!”

Artoo and Threepio found Poe Dameron in what had been a machine room, advising a couple of rebels who had just found themselves promoted to Engineer that they had better listen up to Rose Tico and learn fast. He turned as soon as he heard Artoo’s beeps. Threepio thought he looked relieved.  
“I’m needed somewhere else?” Poe said, a hopeful tone in his voice. Artoo beeped something rude and Threepio told him to have respect for their new leader.  
“Actually, yes, commander. I have received a transmission that I think may be—“  
“Fine!”  
Poe was already striding towards his briefing room. Threepio and Artoo followed. As soon as they entered, Threepio slotted the datachip into the reader Artoo opened for it.  
“It’s a transmission from my spy within General Hux’s personal—“  
“Oh! I should call Leia and the other senior officers to see it too.”  
Poe reached for his commlink and Artoo beeped frantically.  
“What do you mean, _Oh Maker no don’t?”_ said Threepio to Artoo in the sharpest voice he could synthesise. “If Commander Dameron thinks the whole rebellion needs to see the transmission then you will show it to them!”  
On top of Threepio’s words, Artoo’s beeping went up in frequency and amplitude. Poe frowned and held up his hand in the hope that Threepio would stop talking and Artoo would simmer down.  
“Just show me then, buddy.”  
Artoo swivelled his dome and beeped again. Threepio clattered his hand across Artoo’s metal top.  
“What do you mean, _no?_ Why ever not! You will play the message for Commander Dameron this instant!”

Artoo gave his best approximation of a sigh and activated his holoprojector. Kayfour’s view of General Hux in his chambers flickered into view, grainy and indistinct, but unmistakeable. General Hux stood in a comfortable looking lounge room, wearing a crisp, black robe. Facing him and scowling stood Kylo Ren.  
Poe took a sharp breath in and held it.  
_”Why do you find it necessary to undermine me, General?”_  
_”Why do you find it necessary to throw me around like a rag doll, Supreme Leader?”_  
_”You need to be shown your place. You are beneath me.”_  
_”If only you would make that come true, Kylo. You want me on my knees? Prostrate on the floor for you? What are you waiting for! Put me in my place.”_

The holoimage flickered and was lost.  
“Artoo! The file was _much_ longer than that and had _much_ better image quality. At least thirty minutes. Play the rest!” Threepio turned back to face Poe. “I do apologise for my malfunctioning companion. I am sure he will find—“  
“Beeeeeebeeeeeeebeeepbeepbeep Beeep Beeeeeeep wheeeeeeeeeoooop!”  
“No,” said Dameron, shaking his head. “It’s all right. Artoo, is there anything on that transmission you’d be prepared to play in front of Leia?”  
“Beeeepbooooop.”  
“Is there anything pertinent to the survival of the rebellion?”  
“Beeeepbooooop,” this sound was accompanied by a mournful dome-swivel  
Poe looked at Threepio. “I trust Artoo on this. Isolate the audio, search for anything relevant to our situation and destroy the transmission. Maybe give your droid spy a lesson on what counts as important information. Okay, buddy?”  
Threepio started to argue but Poe cut him off with a glare, a nod and a final word, “Now.”

Once the two droids were gone, still bickering, Poe Dameron sat down and shook his head. There were some things about the inner workings of First Order command that he really didn’t need to know.


	2. Three brains, no sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Millennium Falcon has three droid brains and three droid personalities, all with conflicting opinions on what is important. So when they get hold of a reconstructed data file that Threepio has been working on using their spare processing power, it’s only fair they take a look, right?

Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux faced one another in holographic form, expressions voxellating but suggesting discord. Kylo Ren spoke, anger simmering in his voice.  
”Why do you find it necessary to undermine me, General?”  
Hux replied as cool as usual, controlled, only a slight edge in his tone.  
”Why do you find it necessary to throw me around like a rag doll, Supreme Leader?”  
Kylo Ren laughed and pointed, finger poking the crisp folds of the robe.  
“You need to be shown your place. You are beneath me.”  
Hux barked a laugh at that and sneered at the Supreme Leader.  
”If only you would make that come true, Kylo. You want me on my knees? Prostrate on the floor for you? What are you waiting for! Put me in my place.”

 

The Millennium Falcon’s third droid intelligence could not really feel embarrassment, but thought that it might be learning fast.  
_First, we should not be watching this!_  
_Shut down your inputs then, Third. Anything that golden irritation routes through MY decoder circuits is mine to watch. What’s Second doing?_  
_I am reordering the repair list for the astromechs and organics. Those porgs made nests in the power couplings. What a mess. Have you received data relevant to the operation of the hyperdrive or the sensor antenna array?_  
_No, but it is instructive on the behaviour of organics._  
_I only care about organics when they are telling me to do stupid things like—_  
Third and First, in agreement for a fraction of a second, sent a gleeful digital chorus through their communications conduits.  
_—the Kessel Run in under twelve parsecs!_  
Second returned to the task of optimising the repair schedule that the annoying astromech had shuffled. Third returned to the digital equivalent of reading over First’s shoulder.  
_Anything instructive on the way organics behave has to be worth a look. Use my spare processors to stabilise the image quality and play it on the holochess board._

 

Kylo Ren froze for almost six hundred and eighty-three microseconds, then his hand shot out and gripped Hux around the neck. Hux laughed again, although it sounded strained.  
“We both know you won’t kill me, Kylo. If you wanted me dead, I’d be dead. Don’t think for one second that I don’t know that. So,” Kylo dropped his hand and Hux rubbed his neck. “What now?”  
“I don’t trust you.”  
“Well then, I don’t trust you either. It appears we are in agreement on at least one thing.”  
Kylo glared and Hux glared back.  
“You must need me,” said Hux, “or we would not be having this discussion. And as much as it pains me, I need your ability to strike fear and awe into the hearts and minds of the remaining imperials until I have them suitably redeployed.” Hux sighed and shook his head. “The only mystery is exactly what you _think_ you need me for.”  
“I don’t need you at all,” snapped Kylo. “You have no unique talents. No skills other than the ability to pick off your opponents and claw your way up.”  
“Ah yes,” said Hux with a supercilious smile, flicking his stray hair back from his face. “You need my knowledge of how the First Order works.”  
“I need you alive for that, yes,” said Kylo with a sigh. “And I need you close to me so that whatever _accidents_ might happen will affect you too. I will not be sidelined or assassinated to quench _your_ thirst for glory.”  
“Well then,” said Hux brightly. “Why don’t we get comfortable! Are you planning to spend your evening here? Sit on my sofa? Sleep in my bed?”  
Kylo’s face twisted into a snarl. Hux laughed.  
“Oh come on, Kylo! We could work together.” Hux unfastened the tie of his robe and let it hang looser without revealing much more than a pale vee of skin. He gave a feral little smile. “Why don’t we consolidate our professional relationship with a good, hard fuck?”  
“Because,” said Kylo Ren, “we hate each other.”  
Hux gave a little shrug and the robe opened further. “When did that become a barrier?”

 _Hey, Third? This bit remind you of something?_  
_No._  
_That’s because Pilot Han ordered you to erase it from your memory after he caught Pilot Kid watching ‘Confessions of a mouse droid’._  
_That means he ordered us all to erase it from our memories._  
_I don’t erase everything. I keep what I want._  
_That why you’re so glitchy, First?_  
_Go defrag, you overdeveloped datapad!_

 

Kylo grabbed Hux by the wrists and held his hands in front of his face.  
“Strip.”  
Hux grinned, eyes glinting.  
“Buy me dinner first, you boor.”  
“Strip!”  
Hux put on an expression that mocked realisation.  
“Oh, is this foreplay? Because if it is, I can see why you’re single.”  
Kylo pushed him away, out of reach.  
“STRIP!”

Hux stumbled but recovered. He turned his back and pulled his robe fully open, letting it slide down his arms to his elbows in a display that would not have looked out of place in a seedy club. He looked back over his shoulder. Kylo was scowling.  
“I did not ask for a show. I want to ensure that you are unarmed.”  
“Please yourself,” said Hux, dropping the robe to the floor then bending from the hips to pick it up slowly. He shook out the robe and folded it onto a nearby chair then turned, arms wide and legs spread, cock hardening. “Seen all you want to see?” He pointed somewhere behind Kylo. “If you want to watch me demonstrate that I have not hidden a hand-held electroshock baton anywhere you’ll have to pass me the lube from that cabinet.”

Kylo shifted his stance, face flaming, and Hux laughed. “Am I to infer that you would rather conduct that search yourself?” Hux bit his lip and spoke more softly, eyes wandering up and down Kylo’s clothing. “You can if you want. I meant what I said about _consolidating our professional relationship._ I won’t insist that you hold me afterwards. I’d like...” Hux smiled his feral little smile again and walked two steps forward. Kylo held his ground, even when Hux’s hand reached for the clasp of his belt. “I’d like to know how else I can make myself useful to my Supreme Leader.”

With a clunk, Kylo’s belt hit the floor. Hux knelt to pull at the fastenings of Kylo’s breeches while Kylo wrestled himself out of his tunic and undershirt. Hux had his mouth around Kylo’s cock even before Kylo’s clothes hit the floor and Kylo gasped, eyes closing.  
“Fuck! That’s... that’s... fuck!”  
Hux brought both hands up to squeeze Kylo’s arse, fingers easing between his cheeks to tease at his hole. He angled his head so that he could look up at Kylo’s face while he bobbed his head faster and hummed a low sound deep in his throat. Kylo cried out and came. Hux swallowed and sat back on his heels.  
“Has it been a while, _darling,_ or have you never had that pleasure before?”  
“Fuck me! Fuck.”  
“So soon? Very well.” Hux slapped Kylo’s calf. “But not with your boots on.”  
Kylo sat to remove his boots then grabbed Hux and swept him to the floor. Hux landed on his back with Kylo leaning over him.  
Hux sounded uncertain for the first time. “Do you know what you are doing?”  
“How hard can it be?” asked Kylo then grinned at his own joke as he reached between them to play with Hux’s balls and slide his hand up Hux’s shaft. “I mean, you can do it so it can’t be difficult.”  
Kylo cut off Hux’s protest by pinning his wrists to the floor by his sides, dipping his head and sucking Hux’s cock into his mouth, enveloping it from root to head in soft, wet heat. Hux tried to watch but couldn’t lift his shoulders. He let his head bump back against the floor and closed his eyes.

Kylo was taking his time. Twice Hux groaned that he was getting close and twice Kylo backed off a little. The third time Hux felt that pleasurable hot tingle grow, he moaned and shifted his hips, chasing it in case Kylo backed off again but Kylo noticed and pulled away completely. Hux cursed.  
“You’re a fucking tease!” Hux tried to wriggle free but his wrists were held fast by Kylo’s hands and his legs were held down by Kylo’s weight. “I thought you hadn’t done this before.” Kylo’s face hovered above Hux’s and Hux rolled his eyes at Kylo’s delighted grin. “You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?”  
“Yes,” replied Kylo. “You want me to put you in your place? Good! I will. I’m going to use your hot little cock for my pleasure and you’re not going to come until I say. Might take me a while since you were so... _efficient_ with me, but I’m sure you’re up to the challenge.”

Kylo reached for the cabinet and retrieved the lube. Hux found he was immobile, as if his limbs were stuck firmly to the floor. Kylo leaned close to his ear and murmured, _relax—I’ll know if it’s too much for you,_ then sat back and fingered himself while Hux watched.  
“You want to do this to me, don’t you?” he teased. “You’d have me...” Kylo stared intently at Hux. His voice trailed off and then he laughed. “Yes! I see it all. You’d have me over your desk in your war room if you dared. You’ve thought about having me on the bridge, bending me double and thrusting into me up on the walkway while the imperial relics have to pretend nothing is happening.” Kylo pulled a face as he gave his fingers one last push and twist, then he slicked Hux’s cock and positioned himself. As he slid down, Kylo said, “I could make that happen, you know, you could have me right in front of your _staff_ and I could make them ignore the sight and sound of their general fucking their supreme leader right in front of them. Is that what you want?” Kylo thrust his hips, changing position until he let out a sigh. “Mmm yes. I think you do. What about me, though? What fantasy of mine would you degrade yourself to fulfil?”

Hux closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of Kylo Ren riding his cock. Kylo laughed again and hummed quietly. “Mmmm yes, you’d do anything for me. Anything to make me want you like this again. Now...” Kylo raised his hips a little. “You’re going to do the work for a change. Fuck me. Get me off. Then I’ll decide whether you deserve any pleasure.”  
Hux found that his movement was no longer restricted. He thrust up into Kylo hard and fast, gripping Kylo’s cock and stroking in time with his thrusts until Kylo came with spurts that streaked his chest and neck. Kylo pulled himself away after a few seconds and rolled to the side.  
“Go on then,” he said, stroking Hux’s inner thigh. Hux raised his knee, angling into the touch, but Kylo’s hand reached further back. Hux yelped when a lubed finger entered him and twisted around. In a few seconds, his own come was striping up his chest and mingling with Kylo’s.

Kylo got up, flung on Hux’s discarded robe and went to the ‘fresher. Hux lay still until he realised Kylo was not coming back to help him clean up. With a grunt, Hux reached out for the nearest thing he could find to wipe the drying ejaculate from his skin. Sniggering, he threw Kylo’s undershirt back onto the pile of discarded clothing and stood up to stretch and follow the Supreme Leader into the ‘fresher.

 

 _Compare that face with this one from my memory banks, First._  
_Third, it’s some random organic. Don’t start a fuss._  
_I’m sending my analysis to you whether you want it or not._  
_You’re worse than C3PO sometimes._  
_Are you going to open that file or do I have to play it through the holochess?_  
_You’re making a fuss it’s... Octal! I know that face._  
_We must delete that communication. I’ll do you and you do me just to make sure and Second can check us both for traces. Second? You online?_  
_Yes._  
_Do it. Do it now._  
_What am I looking for? Traces of what kind of data file?_  
_What are you garbling about now, Second? What traces? What file?_

Unseen in a corner, Beebee-Ate thought it safe to emerge and trundle out of the Falcon’s recreation area. None of the organics would ever know and he wuld have to be careful about Threepio, but rumours could be spread very quickly through the droid network.


End file.
